All posts by deannaj27

Dishes

Just a quick overview , I hate my life . Yes this is said out of frustration and what is probably an imbalance of some hormones , yet here we are . I am currently in bed hiding from reality , burning up in these stupid pajamas , trying not to give way to tears.  But I’m slowly losing the battle. Now to the dishes , I hate doing dishes , especially other adults dishes. Or doing the dishes repeatedly throughout the day when I did not contribute to the creating of them.  Prime example I wash dishes after coming home from Sundays meeting , wash breakfast dish’s while I fix my self a breakfast sandwich mind you I’m alreadydoing someone else’s dishes but anyway I do then leave for a couple of hours only to return to more dishes. Dishes all belonging to another adult fully capable of washing their own dishes. So I wash them upon request only to meet the complaint of not cleaning the entire kitchen of other people’s messes. Now those to jugs of juice have been out all weekend now it’s a problem.  And I don’t believe I had the cereal out or any of those other things but yet somehow the fault lies with me for failure to tidy up behind others. And my reward  five minute rant of how I will always be responsible for the dishes and other choice words I choose to ignore . Honestly it felt like some one was clinking the prison doors to reinforce the idea that I  am in the likes of jail . I just hate that I’m so unhappy all the time and that I have to seek refuge in my room so much because I get tired of walking on egg shells not knowing how people will react to me just living. I the last month or so I’ve sadly gotten use to re mining my self to not get comfortable because this house is not a home and I’m not sure I’m still part of this broken family. And it hurts because all I really want is a family but I guess I’ll have to look elsewhere . I just have to learn to be okay with that and hopefully when day I will. How do I get to that point is the question  and not when I’m ready to ask. This is my rock bottom alone when surrounded by others realizing that it’s just me now win or lose and it better be win because after tasting defeat I’ve had enough for a lifetime , to serve as the reminder of why I should work hard at achieving my goals . So yes I do hate my life bit I pray that it is not permanent . I pray that I have the emotional strength to carry on and make it through this transitional stage , that happiness finds a place in my heart